Pascal Wagers

More awesome results pending...

2008-05-28T15:50:00.001-05:00

Here I am giving my conference talk earlier today. It's over, and it went okay. I covered what I needed to, but it was a little choppier than I would have liked, plus I finished short of the time allotted. The latter isn't the end of the world, but it's better to use your 10 minutes efficiently, so that you can communicate all the cool things that you do to people who (nominally) care about the research that you are doing. You might argue that no one cares, and I might agree. However, while that may largely be true, it's hard to deny that an atomic physics conference represents the best chance of finding anyone who cares about the stuff I work on.

Oh, the title of this post refers to the fact that our best results are always "just around the corner". ;)

"Leave everything behind!"

2008-05-28T15:48:00.000-05:00

My first (and hopefully) last emergency evacuation of an airplane occurred yesterday. The above picture is of the plane after we had exited in haste. Because I already had my bag in my hands, I didn't listen to the flight attendant's instructions to, "leave everything behind". As a result, I had my camera and decided to commemorate the moment.

Fortunately, no one was hurt, the engine merely overheated (no fire!), and we were on our way on a different plane within 3 hours. I got to the conference I'm currently at in plenty of time to worry about my presentation.

An article about FREE economies

2008-02-25T08:52:00.004-06:00

I read a good article about how decreasing marginal costs can mean many things become free:
Free: Why $0.00 is the future of business

My favorite bit is this:

Free shifts the economy from a focus on only that which can be quantified in dollars and cents to a more realistic accounting of all the things we truly value today.

This is an amazing thought: I've always been kind of stumped about how one might quantify value that isn't easily defined (and/or is defined by each of us individually).

Softening the edges of materialism

2008-01-24T14:17:00.000-06:00

No, I'm not talking about the sort of materialism where you shop 'til you drop. Rather, it's the sort of materialism which is non-dualist: the kind that says that consciousness is "merely" a by-product of physical things, and that there's no ethereal spirit or essence that magically imbues physical stuff with consciousness. By this definition, I am materialist.

One of the accusations that is tossed my way, when I have (admittedly infrequent) conversations on the topic is that this is a cold, unfeeling (even robotic) view to take. Basically, the argument posits that it is somehow inhuman to believe such a thing; and moreover, that it betrays our basic identity as humans to think that we are "merely" the result of physical events. I have no trouble accepting this view, though I certainly don't believe that being materialist detracts from the beauty and wonder of the world. In fact, I think it enhances it, but that's another issue entirely. Right now, I want to talk about the perception that materialism has hard edges and how the author of a book I just completed has reminded me that it isn't necessary for materialism to have such a bad rap.

The author? Douglas Hofstadter. The book? I am a Strange Loop. The majority of the book deals with the notion that we (our sense of self) is a result of our ability to think about ourselves....or if you prefer, to think about the process of thinking. Furthermore, this level of thinking results from the ability to think abstractly and to be able to manipulate these abstractions. It certainly doesn't seem like the physical media (our brains) has much to do with the ability to think, but the abstract layer is built on top of the physical interactions that occur on the next level down.

Now, I really like thinking about thinking, but not all of this is entirely new to me. The part of the book that I really appreciate, though (and which inspired this post), was where the author argues that it is this "loopiness" (thinking about thinking) that constitutes our core, and that our ability to empathize with others comes from our ability to keep other such loops in our brain. That is, the loops other than our "self" loop contain the essence of other people; the better we know another person, the more strongly they resonate within ourselves.

Hofstadter makes the point at the end that the most selfless people are probably actually the most full of life:

...the more magnanimous one is, the greater one's self or soul is, not the smaller! So I would say that those who strike us as self-less are in fact very soul-full -- that is, they house many other souls inside their own skulls/brains/minds/souls -- and I don't think this sharing of mind-space diminishes their central core but enlarges and enriches it.

Hofstadter continues in the same vein:

...a sense of "I" ... is in reality brought into being if and only if along with that self there is a sense of other selves with whom one has bonds of affection. In short, only when generosity is born is an ego born.

And finally, the most important bit is that as a consequence of having a complicated enough brain, we get to love, to experience the world around us, and most importantly, to be aware of these wonderful things. This is hardly a cold, hard-edged materialism if you ask me.

Design feedback desired

2008-01-21T01:23:00.000-06:00

So I've been toying with a new design for the pictures' section of my website. You can compare the two designs:

Nominally, the content of the two versions is exactly the same, but the layout is different. One big concern I have about the new version is that users with smaller screens may have to scroll horizontally (which is a big pain). Do you have any comments along these lines? How about any suggestions on what I might do to mitigate this problem?

I strove for a cleaner look with equal or better access to the information that was already there. Have I succeeded? What else can use tweaking?

..and a Happy New Year

2008-01-01T05:10:00.000-06:00

I didn't get to talk to everyone I wanted to in person, so here's a generic "happy new year" to each and every one of you. :)

As far as resolutions, I resolve to be positive and live well this year. But, heck, that's what I try to do every year; all the better!

One of my first acts of the new year was unusual. How about you? Did you do anything stranger than boiling cabbage?

My new uniform

2007-12-09T00:44:00.000-06:00

Serendipity is sometimes very amusing.

Take tonight for example: some friends invited me to grill food and hang out in the Heights at a mutual friend's house. No problem, right? Dress casual, buy a bit of food to bring, we're set. Well, we carpooled together, 3 young men, and with absolutely no planning at all, and without noticing anything until we were firmly ensconced at the destination of choice, managed to wear the exact same thing.

It appears that green shorts and blue shirts are in. Take note: the new dress code should be the height of fashion about this time next year. And what can I say? At least it's affordable.

Some thoughts, mostly unconnected to each other

2007-11-03T00:26:00.000-06:00

It's not unusual for me to not see the sun for most of any given work day. It is unusual for me to come home without feeling bitter about not having seen it for most of the day. I like the sunshine, believe it or not, and it'd be nice to be out in it more often.

Today (well, yesterday, by now), the only leisure time I spent outdoors (I don't count biking to/from school, mind you) was when I stepped out for a quick breather and managed to take the above photograph. I spent the rest of the evening at work, and if it were a normal night, I'd be feeling unhappy about having spent it all at the lab.

You see, work at the lab is often/usually/all the time a frustrating affair because sh*t breaks. A lot. In fact, I've come to expect it and am not used to having things actually work. Should it be this way? No, probably not. Is it the reality? Well, enough for me to form negative expectations anyway... :)

That said, some stuff worked tonight. It wasn't earth-shattering, ground-breaking, or even all that interesting to anyone at all (mostly because it has been done before), but the thing 1) didn't break, 2) seemed to be consistent with the physics as I understand it, and 3) matched very well with some calculations I had done 4 years ago (!) that I'd never really had the opportunity to "test" experimentally. That seems to have put me in a good mood, so now's probably not a good time to think about how I have to wake up in 6 hours to turn the experiment back on for the folks coming in at 11 am. Grrrr...

-----

On a completely unrelated note, I've been reading Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. It's an interesting book, and you should consider reading it, blah, blah, blah. That said, one of the characters says something about himself that resonated with me: "...he was in lazy doubt about everything; doubt was much more energy efficient than conviction." Without judging it to be good or bad, I will make the observation that this sentiment applies to me pretty well.

Post-sectionals ==> Regionals

2007-09-22T16:36:00.001-05:00

Focusing on the future and staying positive seemed to do the trick for my club team (see my previous post). We recovered nicely and placed about where we ought to have placed at sectionals last weekend, thus qualifying for the south regional tournament. Everyone seems a bit more relaxed now. Good stuff.

For my part, just as I was ramping up my running schedule and feeling good about my fitness, my body conspired with some nasty bug to get me sick. I was sick prior to sectionals, and I'm again now post-sectionals. I've been trying to get adequate rest, but I keep going back to work too early, struggling through a half day or more of work, and then going home feeling terrible again. This weekend, I've vowed to get healthy, so I'm staying home, sleeping whenever my body will let me, and drinking lots of fluids. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I hope that I will be soon. I just hate being sick: it's the antithesis of living an active and energetic life. It makes me want to curl up in a ball of pessimism and curse the world, which is really unlike me. If you've spotted my energy, please direct it my way. My contact info can be found via the "my home page" link on the right side of this blog. ;)

Right, so in other news, there really isn't other news. :) Maybe more from me later, but don't hold your breath.

Team-building

2007-08-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

I am one of the captains of an ultimate team. 95% of the time, this is a fun thing to do. The 5% that isn't usually involves organizational garbage that I don't mind all that much. But, some of the time, there are actually unpleasant bits associated with being a team leader.

If your team is doing well, it's not hard to be a leader. Even when it isn't doing all that well, team members are usually willing to make adjustments in order to succeed. That's a long-winded way of saying that people usually stay interested in the team's welfare. Of course, not everyone is motivated the same way or for the same reasons. That's one of the unique challenges of being a leader: finding a way to fire up each individual on your team. Sometimes anger works; sometimes being a cheerleader works; sometimes being analytical works. It really depends on the situation. For my part, I'm not usually lacking for ideas of how to change things. Yay for me! Or something...

Recently, for the first time since I've been a captain (dating back to punk intramural teams during my undergrad), I ran out of leader-mojo (can I trademark that term?). We had a particularly bad showing at a tournament where it seemed like no matter what we tried, we still stunk. I went through my entire "toolbox" of ultimate tricks, team strategies, and motivational speeches trying to make a difference. In the end, I had to throw my arms in the air and say, "screw it!".

I'd be content to let it roll off of my back and move on except for the fact that this poor tournament showing seems to have affected the team's morale to a point where people are on the verge of quitting or simply losing interest. There's a generally negative attitude about the team, even as we begin to put things back together at practices and subsequent tournaments. Obviously, I'm not serving my teammates well if I cannot motivate them to play as well as possible. Also, on a personal level, I'm not a big fan of leading a bunch of cynical, disillusioned players; I play to have fun, after all, and that's not my idea of a good time.

So where to go from here? I've started with my own attitude. There's no time like the present to remind myself to stay upbeat and enjoy the playing itself. In short, focus on process over results. Or, even more simply, "have fun."

That's a good start, but I'm still kind of lost on how to regain my team's interest. Short of winning more games (which attracts everyone), it's not clear to me how to rebuild a team's confidence in itself. Any ideas? Only three weeks 'til sectionals...

Phew!

2007-08-23T21:49:00.000-05:00

It's always a relief on that one weeknight per week when I get home and don't have to go back to the lab. Though I often come home for dinner and go back, the times when I simply come home and stay feel that much different: almost like I have a regular schedule or something. Right...sure, whatever you say, Pascal. Now back to reality.

Work has been at its best this week, I think. Maybe not in its excitement or in obtaining results, but in the variety of things I've done. Work passes more quickly, and I learn more, when there are many different things to be done in order to make progress. It's easier to motivate myself when I'm not repeating the same thing over and over. Stuff did break this week (what week doesn't have that?), but fixing it was a good experience. Maybe I'll even be faster at it the next time.

With all this fixing, I think we might be close to doing actual science tomorrow. Wow, imagine that!

Jumping sideways

2007-08-06T23:22:00.000-05:00

As jarring as traveling to another country can be, the return to one's home thereafter is even more severe. The rude familiarity and the sudden view from without can make homecoming a difficult task indeed. Because vacations are inherently not permanent changes, I view them as jumping away from my routine, but not forward: only sideways. The forward jumps occur by making permanent changes.

That said, sideways can be good; very good. For example:

I've come back refreshed and a little less jaded with my work. The only question is whether it will carry me through to my next lateral movement.

EPFL, Bose-Einstein condensates of polaritons, and the future

2007-07-23T05:58:00.000-05:00

This morning, I visited some labs at the Ecole Polytechnique Federale de Lausanne (EPFL). Last week, I arranged the visit with one of the professors who runs the Laboratory of Quantum Optoelectronics at EPFL. I spoke with him for about 45 minutes before he passed me off to one of his graduate students for tours of a couple different labs.

My goals coming in were ill-defined: mostly, I was information-gathering, seeing what I might be able to do once I finish graduate school. The idea of working in Europe has previously crossed my mind, but it was never all that concrete. It still hasn't crystallized, but the really good part of my visit this morning is that it gives me more confidence that the skills I am developing in graduate school are transferrable, even to a field where I don't have a strong background.

Polaritons are quasi-particles which are a combination of an electron-hole pair and a photon. (If you have the physics background, the polariton is composed of the eigenstates of the combined system.) The important part of here is that polaritons occur in semiconductor materials (solids). The lab group here has been able to make a Bose-Einstein condensate (BEC) of polaritons; so, a BEC in a solid material. All the work that I do is with atoms that are a gas; the goal of work in my lab is to make a BEC out of the gas. In the end, the common thing in both fields is the BEC, but the physical system in which one achieves the BEC is different. Technically-speaking, however, many things are similar, and this is where the expertise I'm developing is transferrable despite not having a background in condensed matter physics. Cool!

So am I moving to Europe when I finish my PhD? Let's not be so hasty. :) I'm just happy that I saw an example of a situation where I could do very interesting work in a good environment. In addition, the experiments they are doing generally seem less complicated, technically, than the experiment I currently work on while the underlying physics is no less interesting. It's an appealing situation.

Unexpected fun

2007-06-30T01:47:00.000-05:00

I played frisbee golf for four hours tonight. And the group of us went to eat food post-disc-golfing. And I had an unexpectedly good time. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised...something to do with a frisbee, good people, hanging out on a Friday night after a long week at work, but still, it wasn't quite expected. Maybe I should get out more. :)

A picture is worth a thousand words...

2007-06-11T14:52:00.000-05:00

so how many words are multiple pictures worth?

A long week!

2007-06-09T00:17:00.000-05:00

It has been a long week, but at least the conference is nearly over. I'm kind of saturated with physics-stuff right now. In combination with being sick, I'm ready to sleep for quite a while.

Tomorrow, I will go to a place where it's hard to take bad pictures: Banff National Park, by all accounts, is a stunning place. Point and shoot, here I come. Hopefully there'll be some hiking as well.

Can you believe it?

2007-06-08T09:05:00.000-05:00

Natali went to a heck of a lot of effort to get her passport in time for the conference. Two days later, what happens?
The USA changes the rule temporarily and you can now travel to Canada without a passport for 4 more months! I can't wait to tell Natali this morning. :)

Mixed bag

2007-06-08T02:09:00.000-05:00

Today started out in promising fashion:

I attended several talks in the early morning session before Natali and I put our heads together to figure out what needed to be "polished" for her presentation which is scheduled for Friday afternoon. Unfortunately, the answer was that a lot of material needed to be gone over. It wouldn't have been so bad, 'cept we lacked some of the machinery necessary and so I ended up doing a lot of programming today. I wish I had spent _yesterday_ inside and _today_ outside; given the weather each day, that would have made more sense. Alas, it was not to be.

Of course, I was unable to go straight to work given the nicer weather, so I took the long way back to my dorm, my computer, and my work by finding a new bike route between the university and downtown. I still haven't repeated any significant stretches of riding this week, but I'm going to have to detour farther every time I go to keep that record up. I took a few more pictures to add to the collection. Check them out.

Since I'm exhausted I'll leave off by noting that I had a singular experience this morning: a bicycle traffic jam. On my way to downtown, there were several points where 5 or 6 riders were in a row on the trail and couldn't pass the slower rider because of "oncoming" traffic. Davis, California is the only other place I've seen comparable numbers of bikers, but Davis is a much smaller place than Calgary.

Day 2

2007-06-07T00:24:00.001-05:00

Today was the day I presented my poster. I finished the poster completely on Monday (because I had to print it before I left), so there wasn't a lot of additional stress involved.

I woke up to pouring rain outside. Nice overall, but not so good for the biking plan... Natali made it to Calgary after all (at 2 am this morning!), but had no idea where to go. We managed to find one another in the morning (our rooms are even in the same wing of the dorms) and we trudged through the rain to the light rail station with poster tube in hand. We found out much later we could have avoided the soaking we got had we known about the tunnels underneath campus. Doh! Hopefully, I won't need to use the tunnels again because the weather will be perfect for the rest of the week. Right...wishful thinking, I know.

Once we arrived at the convention center, I proceeded to change out of my wet clothes into my nicer dressy clothes. Yay for thinking ahead enough to pack that second set. It would have been a less pleasant day sitting in on sessions when damp. I saw a few people I know present their talks and a number of talks on interesting topics by people I didn't know. I'll spare you the gory details. Tomorrow, many more talks are being given by people I know well.

The poster presentation was two hours long, and I didn't even notice the time going by. I was talking with people who came by the poster almost continuously, and it wasn't until my mouth was really dry that I noticed I only had about 20 minutes to go in the session. I got a fair amount of positive feedback and some suggestions on things to look at. I wish I had had more interesting results to discuss. It's not that what we had on the poster wasn't useful, but the discussions I had were much more about what we might be able to do in the future instead of about the material at hand. I guess it never hurts to have a little external motivation.

After sitting through lectures by two Nobel prize winners, I went to dinner with some guys from the Hulet lab at Rice. The lectures were okay, but not spectacular. I think my stomach would have liked me to skip the Nobelists. :) Finally, I made my way back to the university from downtown on the light rail. I didn't get many pictures today: between the pouring rain, not biking, and being in sessions almost all day, it was not an especially visual day. Don't worry, I'm saving up for Banff this weekend (I hope).

Here are the pictures I did take: http://mac.andcheese.org/calgary2007/index2.html. Off to sleep!

Calgary!

2007-06-06T00:12:00.000-05:00

I'm in Calgary this week for this conference. It has really been crazy in the run up to the conference. Not only have I had a poster to prepare (I present Wednesday afternoon), but I've been trying to finish some analysis that needs to go in the talk of one of my lab mates. But here's the other exciting part: my lab mate may or may not get to Calgary. First she had passport troubles and then (after several days of panic were resolved by getting said passport), she's still not sure she can get a flight to Calgary. Rumor has it that she caught a flight up here, but I haven't heard anything solid. It'd be nice to know exactly what kind of work I need to do in the next couple of days besides presenting my poster and attending conference sessions.

Anyway, on to the fun stuff. I rented a bike this year. Last year in Knoxville for this same conference, I wanted to do the same thing, but no one in Knoxville rents bikes (boo!). I pedaled around quite a bit this afternoon and found my way to downtown Calgary:

Later, I met up with Ben Luey, my roommate from Carleton my senior year. He's demo-ing his company's wares at this conference. We caught up and then went to the conference's welcome reception at a really posh hotel whereupon we saw many people we know and many more people we only recognize, but don't know, from past years. Good stuff.

Make sure to check out all my pictures from this week at http://mac.andcheese.org/calgary2007/. :)

How many?

2007-05-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

How many hours do you have to work and how many meals do you have to miss before you lose track of them all?

I don't know the answers, but I do know that I'm going to go home and sleep at a "reasonable" hour tonight. Gotta stay healthy: "health is wealth," as they say.

Totally Sucked In

2007-04-23T04:11:00.000-05:00

I think there's a reason that I don't often read for pleasure anymore. It's because I can't stop.

Yesterday afternoon, on a whim, I crossed the street to the bookstore, while waiting for my laundry to dry, and bought a book. Now look what time it is... I was good. I didn't even really start reading until after I came home from work. I think it was around 11. I figured a chapter before bed would be nice. Now it's 4. How nice is that?

As much as I might want to moan and groan, I love being drawn into another world, even if it's only for a while. I suppose I appreciate the escapism. The only moment in the whole novel where the experience failed me? An egregious misuse of "accept" in the place of "except". You never notice good writing until it's missing, and I got jolted right out of fantasy land with that one. My only other regret is that the experience of living that book's world wasn't stretched out over more time.

Don't try this at home

2007-04-07T12:24:00.000-05:00

A word to the wise: if you want to avoid looking like a creepy, old grad student (yeah, I know it's hard to avoid your true nature), don't look like this.

3 am hodge podge

2007-04-03T03:36:00.000-05:00

3:00 am. It's a nice round number. Something about it makes me smile whenever I'm awake enough to notice. :)

Have I mentioned that I love living eastward of my family? It's nights like these, when I can call my brother at 1:30 in the morning (my time) and not actually wake him up, that I appreciate this the most. Most of the rest of the time, it's simply more convenient for me to call my parents at 11:30 pm my time, 9:30 pm their time, than it is to try earlier in the day when things are still going on.

Speaking of Philippe, he's becoming a stud triathlete. He's competing for CalPoly San Luis Obispo and performing very well. He made up more than 8 minutes on the top swimmer during the bike section of his last race. That's a lot of time over the course of an hour. Over 10%, in fact.

I've played music with a good friend of mine several times this semester. She's a pianist, I'm a clarinetist. Playing music is a wonderful stress reliever, especially given that it's so different from my other activities. Neither of us practices much outside of playing together, but that's the beauty of it: it's an activity that we take seriously enough to derive enjoyment from, but not so seriously that it carries the burden of preparation time.

Of course, it helps that both of us played music seriously at some point in our lives. I love that effort I banked earlier in my life is still paying dividends. No, the notes may not fall under my fingers the way they used to. Nor do I sound as good as I could. But none of that matters when, in the middle of playing a piece, we find ourselves getting lost in the music. There's nothing quite like riding that wave of musical expression where you're simultaneously the creator and the listener, the performer and the audience.

I could devote a whole post to how I interact with music, but I won't. This is the 3 am hodge-podge after all. I also feel like I should have a rousing conclusion to this post, but inspiration eludes me. 'tis early, after all. I guess you'll have to be disappointed. ;)

Moments of Clarity

2007-03-25T11:11:00.000-06:00

I have unusual moments of clarity when I'm well-rested. Since I almost never get lots of sleep, this isn't usually an issue. :) That said, in one such moment the other day, I figured out exactly what I want. I want to...

Actually, I'm kidding, at least about knowing what I want. However, moments of clarity do help me frame things differently. Dare I say, in more creative ways? For example, I find it easier to tackle daunting problems at work. If I'm tired, I try to solve a problem, in the same way, repeatedly. Something like, "hmmm, if I just do this one more time, maybe it'll work correctly...please?". It's really effective, let me assure you. Note: don't take me too seriously, as I have a bit of a sarcasm problem.

So, being well-rested means I only try something once if it doesn't work. That means I go for the next solution, which may or may not be a good one, sooner. If I keep going, then I get to a good (enough) solution more quickly. This reminds me of a blog post I read written by a top ultimate frisbee player on decision-making. He's quoting from a book on decision-making, but since I don't have the book and don't feel like going to buy it, I'm going to quote Jim Parinella on the subject directly:

Instead of making a list of options, detailing pluses and minuses of each approach before choosing the best, they [experts] simply consider the first good thing that comes to their minds and decide yes or no, moving on to the next thing if they reject the first idea.

This sounds an awful lot like what I do when I'm not tired. It's not to say that I'm an expert (I'm not in almost everything), but it is to say that I approach a problem more expertly when I am rested.

I like getting things to work because I feel like I've been productive, and being productive reinforces my self-worth. Do you have any idea how lethargic I feel when stuff isn't getting done? No matter what the explanation, even if it's something entirely out of my control, it saps my motivation because I don't feel competent. I don't feel like I'm contributing, and then I take myself "out of the game", in a manner of speaking. That is, I go and do something else that is more rewarding. In my current grad school world, this usually involves doing my dishes. ... ...

The bottom line for me is that resting adequately is really important. Sometimes, this is a realistic goal, and I simply have to be disciplined enough to go to bed at a decent hour. Other times, events are out of my control and it's midnight, 1 am, 5 am, etc... before I straggle back home and into my cold bed. One thing I know for sure is that those instances are not even close to being "moments of clarity".